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who knows when I wrote any of this...
ttocsland
09Aug01 + 10:21pm PDT = Thursday

(we interrupt... Friday morning - 7:39am or so...)
Hey - just put T H I S together {{sledding/sledding01.html}} - it's some pics from Alicia and I visiting last December/January to points north. Seems they are suffering under a bit of a heat wave. Thought I'd remind them of what they have to look forward to.

now back to the previously posted comments....

Thursday. Again. Cool.
"The First Noel" is playing. Performed by the pop music group Crash Test Dummies. Wow.
There's a strength there. Is it the deeply associated feelings of the holidays? It's august. really nice out. Not winter. Yet I still get that stirring, back on the front side of my spine, just behind my stomach. It races up into the top right side of my brain and makes the rest of my CNS tingle. cool. But why?

On Tuesday night, I went to 14 Below, at 14th and Santa Monica, in Santa Monica to catch up with Mandy and her beau Brian. Brian's brother, Mark, was performing with his band - 45 seconds (their basic website is at www.fortyfiveseconds.com - check it out. Perhaps being there - in the presence of the fight, in awe of the maximum effort the whole band put out - from the maniac drummer and the long haired bassist, to the dueling "ax-men", to mark himself. The way he screamed into the mike - like he was trying to rip his heart out right there on the stage. Wow.

The bridge to these two things is the involved writing of one Henry Rollins. He has written often of the pain of putting his all out there on stage. Of how some crowds are all bent on destroying the band as they play - spitting on them, hitting them, throwing bottles at them; so he goes out there and trys to destroy them first. Never happens, so he ends up questioning why he does it at all.

Well, I'd say it's that whole tingling CNS thing. Wow. The electrical connection when you can get across to someone else the feeling.
--
I recently put together a much more complete T.A.W.S. section {{taws/taws001.html}} for your amusement. In doing so, I re-read the scribblings of a questionably insane person. And every once in a while, I scared myself. I occasionally get it right. I get that tingle. That sensation right at the corners of my eyes, as my tears are held back. In modesty, I don't dwell on it. It's just me and my screwed up sense of whatever, right? Yeah. That's all. And I don't go back often. Leaves me puzzled - if I can do that - if I can have that kind of impact every once in a while, then why not all the time? Then why the HELL am I driving a desk at the tender age of 33? Huh? What the hell. So, better not to ponder those thoughts, eh? Yes. It's better to blindly stumble forward, towards, whatever. Destiny? Hah. Fate. That's more like it.

Check out www.openfist.org to see what Alicia is up to in her off hours. She's so cool!.
Chaos within life. where does it take us. What does it do for us?
And how come Matt's the only buddy who signed my Guest Book?

Ciao,
s.