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tuesday afternoon...
ttocsland
13Nov01 + 325pm = Tuesday afternoon

"I am U-571. Sink me" -- How's that for taking control of your destiny? [it's only a line from the movie, 'U-571'. no need to think that I've lost any more of my mind than you previously believedt...]

Destiny - I guess I was destined to have my truck washed! We had a hell of a rainstorm here Monday - went to the video store and was quite thankful to have an umbrella! Woke up this morning to crisp, cold, clear skies - one of the great benefits of having smog is the noticeable difference in air quality after a good rain.

Now, if only my personal storm can pass, leaving bright clear skies.

Haven't posted much lately. Been doing the "let's hack at the web site - yes! I'll redesign it in a stunning multicolor extravaganza!!!!!... three hours later, frustrated at my lack of stunning progress, I throw in the towel, leaving a piss poor site up for the world to ignore. I can tell it's a bit of the impact from 9/11. That's ok. But what about the part that it's even a decent reflection of my life? That's the part that hurts. Lashing out at my Alicia. That hurts us both. Being short with my mom - that hurts someone I want to get to know even better - time is of the essance there. Sitting around the house just "being" - as pooh once taught me - 'Pooh just is' - well, Scott just is and it's a fucking shame!

I'm getting some success, and if I can just keep it rolling, perhaps it will take me to the places I dream of going. Dream of being. Ambitions. What did you dream of being when you "grew up"? Funny - I have never - to this day - thought about the future in such a focused way. Pop culture has tended to be my muse for desires. Some of my desires have come true - hell, 1993 - knoxville, TN - I wanted to be a security guard, and became one. Yippee. How trite. How sad.

Ambitions. Had a chat with Blood the other night - tried to be up about the whole thing - i called it epiphany, but perhaps realization, or even awakedness is better. She seemed a bit stressed out and needless to say, my hope that I had a brighter clue than when I awoke wasn't as supported as I kinda hoped it would be. But as time has passed, I think it's fair to say that ambitions are what lives - lives that matter - are built upon.

From pop movies to non fiction writing, my influences run wide, if not particularly deep. "Level 4 - Virius Hunters of the CDC" has been my reading material for a bit more than a week now. Pretty cool writing - it's a "fun with viruses in Africa" kinda travelouge, with a brief recounting of the Ebola scare in Reston, VA. Topical, I guess. But the recollections of the two doctors - well, it definitely reminds me that while most of us are tied up with the entire "21st century life in Western Civilization", there are medical clinics in Africa where disposable surgical items - plastic syringes being primary, are reused. Partially, a lack of availability for new ones, but there's also a prevailing "give lots of injections; we can charge for them" mentality in some of the small village clinics. Evil is everywhere, and takes the most grotesquely human images, don't you think? Well, in that particular war between good and evil, the good guys are the lab techs and enthusiastic interns who still want to change the world for the better. Idealistic is the description. wouldn't the world be a nicer place if more people were like that? Sure would. What idealistic flight would you sign up for if it cost you nothing in terms of cost/expense/time from home/loved ones? Teach the illerterate to read? Feed the homeless? Shoe the blind? interesting questions from an interesting mind.

Besides "U-571", I caught - and really enjoyed - "October Sky". It had me recalling the good feelings I was left with after watching "The Dish" - the whole world in the 1950s/60s thing, I guess. I'd be naive and say it was a more innocent time, but I'd be wrong. Nothing like harnessing the power of the atom - and then using it - all for bullying rights, eh? The movie was cool, and leaves me to ask the question - where were you when the space race started? Or, for my generation, what's the most memorable recollection of the Space Age for you? (Yeah, Challenger is the one burned into your brain, as well it should be; what I'm asking about is the first time you enjoyed 'Astronaut Ice Cream', or got a 'Space Pen - Guaranteed to Write under Water on Glass during a lightning strike!!!'. Me, it was the GI Joe doll Space Locker, sadly without the space suit, rescue raft and capsule. Come to think about it, I never did get a Six Million Dollar Man Space Capsul/Operating Room set either!!! How about Microwave Ovens - another Space Age Innovation? Anyone actually polish their car with NuCoat 2000 - A Space Age Polymer!!!?? No - I've wanted to, but never did. That's what I'm talking about. (ask me about my piece of space shuttle heat tile sometime...))

And so we come to the 21st century - where the news goes like this - Kabul was taken by the Northern Alliance yesterday - or at least as reported at 11pm on Monday night.

But the crux, I think, is this - exactly WHO have we climbed into bed with THIS time? Let us recall America's ability to choose wonderfully colorful characters to call "friends" - Saddam, when he was against Iran; Osama when he was against the Russians; Fidel, et al.

And on Sunday, Alicia found out that her brother Jonathan has made the choice to enlist in the United States Army come this January. Long, cold, dark winter I fear. Very cold.

And did I mention how my monday was pretty much gutted by alicia ringing me at home, and saying that a plane had crashed in New York again? well, I hid. and didn't think. it worked. I made it through. What a waste...

Well. There you go. Updated. News. Scott's... alive. Complaining too much. Hanging in there. Who know's - maybe I'll even run up a T.A.W.S. Until the next barrage of words and letters stuck together with nothing more than random dollops of courage - ciao. s.